As much as I hate myself for checking, I do… I too often have a nosey over at Amazon.com to see if anyone is buying or reviewing my book. I know. It’s one of those things authors know they shouldn’t, but do anyway.
Writing is a funny business. If you get that chance to rest, zone out, chill, the dialogue, settings and character actions, along with the words to put it to the page can just flow… and flow smoothly.
This happens rarely when you’re a mother, as I’m sure many who follow can attest.
Somehow, I managed it last Sunday.
A got a peep this weekend.
The problem is, getting from that zoned-out space to your computer (or wherever you’re recording that tale) without breaking the zen…
Yeah… I haven’t found the magic bubble for that, yet.
So, it’s a struggle to get words down. Even more so when you know, you just know, you had better words to describe it while you were still snuggled in your bed while your child watched morning cartoons.
They were there.
Now they’re gone.
But you push forward anyway… even though the whole book probably sucks. There’s probably some monumental something I’ve over-looked early on that just ruins the whole thing.
But then there’s that scene (yeah, that one was good)… and that other scene (heh heh, yeah… that one).. Maybe if I can string enough mediocre between them those scenes will make it all worth it…
This is a glimpse of the writer’s mind. Self-doubt. A little sprinkle of self-confidence. And a whole lot of guilt… because I spent a great deal of the time I had with my son today wishing I could have been writing… bad, bad mother.
Often, it’s like the writer part of me and the mother part of me are two different people, pulling in two different directions.
The mother part wins out, obviously, but the writer part sure likes to pack a sad.
And she really did today.
She was pretty darn miserable.
And then she did what she’s not supposed to do… She peeked over at Amazon…
And joy! A new review.
Oh, no! A new review… it’s gonna be a 1-star this time. Maybe a 2. 3? I could cope with a 3. Scroll down, find out…
A 5? A 5?!
Someone (else) liked it! They really, really liked it! And they want me to have finished this book, like, last year so what am I doing writing this post?
I’m saying thank you.
And now I must sleep. Brave the family and work in the morning and WRITE in the afternoon, and again at night… People want this damn book, and they want it last year!
And it’s really nice to know that.